_FROM EXPERIENCE, MANY MEN HURT THEIR WIVES IN THE NAME OF CORRECTION.THEY SPEAK HARSHLY; THEY APPROACH RASHLY AND THEY CAN BE VERY BRUTAL.
_Lots of women are living their lives in bitterness and anger due to the careless ways their husbands have been talking to them over time.
Dear Husband, it is just not about what you say but how you say it also matters. Correcting your wife is a good thing but if you don’t do it in love, it may rather create much more deeper wounds in her. The fact that she may have done something does not warrant harsh treatment from you as a godly Husband. Love is Patient and sufffers long.
_Here, are some of possible right ways to talk to your wife without hurting her:
1. LOWER THE TONE OF YOUR VOICE:
Don’t shout at her, she is not your child but a companion and helpmate. Correct her with a calm tone in love.
2. DO IT IN LOVE:
_Correction should be done in love. If done in any other way, it turns to criticism and condemnation._This means thinking about how to do it in such a way that she will sense you want to help her become better rather than being judgmental.
3. DON’T CRITICIZE:
Stop criticizing her.mMany will say it’s constructive criticism that I am carrying out. Correction means has to do with pointing out errors and mistakes in a nice manner, not attacking her or her self worth. Correction is the act of offering better options to mistakes.
Correction and criticism are never the same.
Husband A says, “What manner of food is this?” “Is this popcorn or fried rice?” “How I wish I married a more sensible wife with better home training and who can cook better.”
Husband B says, “Sweetheart this rice is too salty and dry, unlike the one you did yesterday. I think the salt level should be reduced any other time because of our health.”
Husband A criticized, Husband B corrected his wife in love.
Stop criticizing your wife.
4. DON’T DO IT BEFORE YOUR CHILDREN:
Avoid correcting your wife in the presence of your children. Incessant correction of your wife before your children will make them disrespect her.
5. DON’T CORRECT HER IN THE PUBLIC:
Avoid correcting your wife in the public, it does not show you as a gentleman. It will also affect her self-esteem and also make others disrespect her.
6. AVOID CORRECTION IN ANGER:
Stop correcting your wife in anger, shouting, ranting, beating and making trouble. Christ Centered men don’t do that.
7. DON’T COMPARE HER WITH ANY OTHER WOMAN:
In your thought of correcting her, you might have been comparing her with other women. “Don’t you see what your friend is doing?”
“Can’t you learn from our neighbour’s wife?”
“I think you should borrow a leaf from Deaconess Mary”
This is very wrong, no woman loves to be compared with others, stop it.
8. AVOID REFERRING TO OLD ISSUES:
_There is always the tendency to dig out the past. However, avoid referring to issues discussed and settled. Stick to the present issue, discuss like adults and move on. Just as God forgives us and remembers our sins no more when we do ask for forgiveness, husbands must do same. Be an imitator of God.
9. DON’T ATTACK HER:
Don’t say, “And you call yourself a woman?” “Virtuous women don’t behave like this, you better change before I change you.” This is very wrong, don’t do it.
10. DON’T ATTACK HER DIGNITY:
Don’t say, “You don’t behave like someone with sense, do you think at all?” “And you said you went to school, I doubt it.” Don’t talk like this to your wife, it is wrong!
11. DON’T ATTACK HER WOMANHOOD:
Men are fond of attacking their wives’ womanhood anytime they make mistakes. Don’t say things like, “I don’t blame you, you are just a woman” “Women are not known to be wise”
_This is very wrong. Science has proved that men’s brain works just like the brain of women._God created both male and female in His image and likeness (Gen 1:26,27). The man being the head of the home does not mean woman is inferior. That is unbiblical… In 1 Peter 3:7 New International Version (NIV)
Listen to Apostle Peter, “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers” (1 Peter 3:7). Men are not necessarily wiser than women, wisdom is not about gender.
12. DO IT IN TIME OF PEACE:
Most husbands want to correct in the heat of anger, at the height of misunderstanding, when temper has already hit the roof. That is not the best time to correct; it will yield little or no result.
Yes so, instead of always looking for her flaws, learn to appreciate and support her to be a better wife and good mother to your children. Don’t always see her weaknesses. By making conscious effort of appreciating her strengths and encouraging her, her weakness would be overshadowed and you will not easily notice them. Dear Husband correct her but do so in love. Always remember that“Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit”( Proverbs 15:4).
Thanks for reading.
From Godly marriage and edited by Papajet