Buhari’s Standup Comedy and Police Lose of Weight in Recreation Room


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Sequel to the 2015 General election, the words on the mouth of an average Nigerian was “Change” and those that were supporting Dr. Goodluck Jonathan were not proud of their choice of stand because his administration did not do enough; it was derelict and that resulted in change of guards at the Presidency. But the self-righteous Buhari made a statement while he was being sworn-in that suggested that he had been embittered for years of failing to be the president of this nation and the right time to unleash his age-long rage on those who had delayed his ambition is here.

The president from the plagiarised victory speech where he said; “I belong to everybody and for nobody. His address showed that his administration will take aggressive steps in fighting against insecurity and other socio-economic vices in the country — Any clueless person coming after Jonathan’s administration can give that assurance but it is easier said than done for the President because since his administration began, he has technically ‘defeated’ Boko Haram more than three times, using several synonyms.

Nigerians coped with all that ravaged the country for the first four years. More killings – we cope, more kidnapping – we cope, more banditry – we cope, more corruption – we cope, more ethnic clashes – we cope, election rigging – we cope, blame game on Peoples Democratic Party – we cope, economy hardship -we cope, increase in of unemployment rate -we cope, decadence in our health facilities – we cope, more robberies – we cope… Thinking we will change Buhari messiah’s party to palatable apostle’s party in 2019. But with the help of the North, his stronghold, he was forced on us again.

According to the 2017/2018 report by Amnesty International on Nigeria: “In February, 21 villagers were killed in an attack by suspected herdsmen in three communities in the Atakad district of Kaura, Kaduna State. In June, a communal clash in the Mambilla Plateau of Taraba State left scores of people dead, mostly herdsmen and their families. In September, at least 20 people were killed when suspected herdsmen invaded Ancha village in the Miango district of Jos, Plateau state. In October, 27 people were killed by suspected herdsmen in a classroom where they were sheltering after three days of attacks in the Nkyie-Doghwro community of Bassa, Plateau State. In December, herdsmen attacked at least five villages in Demsa LGA in Adamawa State to avenge the massacre of up to 57 people, mostly children, in November in nearby Kikan community. Residents described being attacked by a fighter jet and a military helicopter as they attempted to flee. At least 86 people were killed by the herdsmen and air force bombing.”

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Nevertheless, we cope with all these menace thinking that with our votes, eight out of Nigeria’s 36 states which are gory killing fields would receive solace. So that Borno will answer to it nickname, “Home of Peace”, Yobe – Pride of the Sahel and Adamawa. Killer herdsmen, cattle rustlers and ‘mystery gunmen’ have changed the nickname of Benue, Plateau, Taraba, Kaduna and Zamfara to Nigeria’s zones of death.

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I wonder what will interest tourists to visit Plateau State that was nicknamed ‘Home of Peace and Tourism’ ?

Undoubtedly, after 2019 reelection, insecurity still persist, killings never stopped, maiming of innocent lives never cease rather it is on the increase.

What will you do, if the person that ought to be consoling is now responsible for your grief and sorrow? Nigerians have put another 4 years to board a car called ‘one chance vehicle’ of Buhari Messiah’s Party.

We heard of goats eating leafs but what informed the decision of sheep to feed on henna leaves (meaning — Agbó sí ti ewúré tí un je ewe, èwo ni àgùntàn t un je ewe lali). We heard of deficiencies in Nigeria Police who with their years of collecting bribes and other related corruption have made them loss their dignity but what of our president who turned to clown.

One of the manifesto that the All Progressives Congress reiterated vehemently was the issue of security. For past few days, the two viral videos of Buhari’s comment on the Inspector – General of Police, on kidnapping and the Nigeria Police who was advocating for stealing of cars all in the name to get N4,000 bribe, have left me to pondering and wondering that this country is failing like the health of the president.

The viral video where the Nigerian police was spotted lording and pleading for N4,000 as a bribe from a suspected “Yahoo boy” further dent the image of the police but it’s not new to them either I am so surprise, it would surprise me if I read it on national dailies that a Police participated in suicide boobs over bribe.

Accoring to the police viral video:

Driver : Do you know how much they have collected from me while coming on the road? ( Se ema iye ti won ti gba lowo mi lona ni ).

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Police Officer : You are a son of the world, you are highly honoured. ( Omo aiye nie, iyi e po ).

Police officer: Look here and calm down, motor stealing, robbery, God supports it and welcomes it. The money must complete, we are four in numbers. ( Ewo bi, farabale, ki won ma ji moto gbe, ki won ma Jale, olohun gan support e, ofaramo, o ma pe se, we are four in number).

According to a comedian, popularly known as ‘Elenu’ when interviewed about what will he do to restructure Nigerian Police in a comedy skit, he gave an hilarious response to the question.

He said, “The first thing I will do is to order removal of pockets on every uniform of all the police in Nigeria. As that is done, they won’t use boot nor shoe again but a smart sandal. This will make it very difficult for them to keep bribes.

But I opined that, Eagle species can’t stop the act of rip off no matter the constrain. It is in our blood; Nigerians, that every policy or system that is fashion in a way to bring development, our thoughts have been quicken to look for ways to circumvent them.

President Muhammadu Buhari who’s words are like decree since 2015 now turned to be a clown for comments made about the Inspector-General of Police, Mohammed Adamu, after his arrival from his 10-day private visit to the United Kingdom.

This president’s comment is attracting a lot of negative reactions. I hope those comments and slamming can put things aright.

Buhari was asked about security challenges across Nigeria and if there would be a different approach in tackling the issues.

Voilà, Buhari said, “I have just seen the IG, I think he’s losing weight, so I think he is working very hard”.

So once you are losing weight now, even if it’s in a gym, it means you are working very hard on national security matters while insecurity persists. Don’t be surprised to see all the Ministers losing weight in days to come despite that Nigeria state is feeding them.

Highlighting cases of kidnapping for just two weeks, on 7th May, Gunmen kidnapped missionary in Jalingo, Obafemi Awolowo University Professor was kidnapped, gunmen killed Bafarawa’s guard kidnapped nephew, in Zamfara, Bandits kidnapped four nursing studuents and two teachers, a corps member was abducted by Book Haram in Borno, in Plateau State Polytechnic, Miss Abigail was abducted… The list goes on. What will happen for the next four years ?

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With all these alarming rate of kidnapping, our police are in a room used for a variety of purposes, such as parties, games and other everyday or casual use called Recreation Room.

Our police are not sensitive to things that matters. From their quest for mundane things they have added and make frivolities number one duty. They are only sensitive on things that will serve them right and not even concern with Police Act that stated what they should do.

I have been in a condition where police should save me from attack and harassment as a journalist but their action that day sprang surprises because they acted as if someone on Yoga mat who doesn’t want to be distracted from meditation even though my life was in danger.

I once saw a police in a Bet Naija shop putting aside his gun in one corner like abandoned used APC broom, all in the name that he want to gamble not minding lives that his gambling with doing away with gun (AK-47) which cost millions. How much will he win from the gambling ?

They now collect taxes from ‘Yahoo Industries’ (Yahoo boys) because they know it doesn’t need to be remitted to insensitive government. It is based on gain – gain game. Purgatory is the only thing that separates corruption from the entity of police.

Interestingly, all these activities should be responsible for them to lose weight as the President said. Like a biblical verse that, “No one warreth and entangles himself with civilians affairs”.

Report has it that some kidnappers disclosed to their victims in Rivers that they have resumed kidnapping because government stopped paying them Amnesty allowances.

A Canadian made a shocking revelation that, police delivered N2.5 Million ransom to those who kidnapped him. What then is the hope for those a common man who can’t afford that much. Is this conspiracy or an international way of handling these kinds of matters.

Having identified that kidnapping is a money spinning profession and the seemingly inactiveness of this government and Nigerian Police, many now choose that path to thread.

I wonder what those those who have implicit confidence in Buhari’s led administration will be thinking by now ? — Kidnapping, killing, unemployment, marauders, Communal clash, economic hardship bit harder e.t.c are beyond the power of the president. We are in for it together. Considering 2023, we are just a step out of the cave — the journey is still far.Buhari’s Standup Comedy and Police Lose of Weight in Recreation Room


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